


You Know I'm Not Going To Leave You

by MaxMattel666



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crying Goshiki Tsutomu, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Jealous Goshiki Tsutomu, Minor Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Protective Tendou Satori, Words of Affirmation, bed sharing, touch starvation, touch-starved goshiki tsutomu, ushiten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25544872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxMattel666/pseuds/MaxMattel666
Summary: He wants to be the only one Tendou pays attention to.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 433





	You Know I'm Not Going To Leave You

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhh I am so so sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I've been back at work and due to some extraordinary circumstances I worked an almost 50 hour week so I have just not had the time or the motivation to write or finish any of the pieces I've started.  
> *But, aside from that I am almost at 100,000 views on my page and would like to know what y'all want to see in celebration of that (can be Haikyuu, Yuri On Ice, Free, anything thing like that really haha). 
> 
> I hope you all are doing well and staying healthy and safe. Please check out the links in my profile for BLM resources.

At first glance, one might think that Ushijima was Goshiki’s favourite upperclassman. He is no doubt the young boy’s idol, but there is someone even dearer to Goshiki and that’s Tendou. It had started off small, like any other mentorship turned friendship, with hair ruffles and shoulder pats and words of encouragement. But soon the two grew closer. Tendou had essentially taken Goshiki under his wing. There was something about the first year that just struck a chord with Tendou, something that he couldn’t quite place, but it made him feel compassionate and even responsible for the younger boy. He doted on Goshiki, sometimes to the chagrin of the other players on the team, who would tease Tendou for the way he babied the aspiring ace but Tendou would simply brush it off. Over time, Goshiki sought out Tendou’s attention more and more. During practice the first year would turn to the middle blocker like an overexcited child expecting praise, which Tendou always gives of course. Goshiki would smile wide and beam at the older boy, and declare that he would do better next time even if his serve or spike had been perfect. 

It then became routine for Goshiki to seek out Tendou outside of volleyball practice. They would sit in Tendou and Ushijima’s room doing homework together and listening to Tendou’s odd music taste. Tendou would show Goshiki how to play games on his Nintendo Switch and Goshiki would tell Tendou about the other kids in his year and his classes, Tendou always nodding along whenever Goshiki spoke about his day. They began to share their interests too, Tendou frequently giving Goshiki manga suggestions and even eventually taking him out searching for frogs and other little creatures when the weather permitted. 

Their friendship settled into something that was comfortable and warm. Tendou had never before had someone look up to him. There was something incredibly healing to Tendou about not being perceived as scary or off putting. It was nice to felt sought out and even idolized. And before Tendou, Goshiki hadn’t felt like anyone was interested in him. He had tried so hard all his life to grab the attention he so desperately craved, and it finally came in the form of Tendou Satori, the third year who remembered the things Goshiki told him and cared about them too. Tendou, who would never shoo Goshiki away. Their bond was stronger than one of just camaraderie, but rather one of belonging and mutual understanding. 

But it didn’t take long for Tendou to realize that something was a little off about Goshiki. Not necessarily in a bad way, but just different. Usually people tended to shy away from his touch but Goshiki didn’t. Instead he often leaned into Tendou, falling asleep on his shoulder on the bus, sitting close to him when they did homework together, and Goshiki even getting a little overly excited for Tendou to trim his bangs. Goshiki would lean into the older boy’s touch and smile softly to himself. Tendou was the one person who seemed to give Goshiki that kind of attention and he was happy to give it, resulting in the first year seeking it out frequently. 

They didn’t talk about it of course; it was a natural progression and realization more than anything else. Tendou begins to show Goshiki more affection, he fixes the first year's bangs like a fussy mother hen and bundles him up in extra scarves when they go out. He knocks their shoulders together and wraps an arm around Goshiki when he praises the wing spiker during practice. Tendou pinches Goshiki’s cheeks and hangs off of him when he’s bored. He doesn’t wake Goshiki up when he falls asleep next to Tendou during movie nights on Friday. There’s an unspoken understanding between the two of them. When Goshiki needs to be assured, he can go to Tendou and Tendou will always be there for him. They both feel the urge to be important to someone, and they begin to become that for each other. 

It’s a typical Friday evening when Goshiki pads down to Tendou and Ushijima’s room already dressed in his pajamas after his shower. He had been fully expecting to nudge his way under a blanket with Tendou and watch a movie. It’s a Friday night, which means he and Tendou are going to be in the top bunk until Ushijima gets back from his evening workout at the gym. But when he opens the unlocked door, his heart sinks. Tendou is leaning against Ushijima, who is gently playing with the redhead’s nimble fingers, the two of them situated together on the bottom bunk. Tendou’s laptop isn’t pulled out and the two older boys are just touching casually, clearly comfortable with the way that they are sitting together in one another’s presence. There’s a look of calm contentment on both of their faces. 

“Hey, Tsutomu,” Tendou smiles softly, glad to see his favourite first year. He lifts his head from the other boy’s shoulder and gives a little wave as Ushijima nods in acknowledgement of Goshiki’s presence. 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Goshiki stumbles before quickly bolting out of the room and shutting the door behind him. 

Goshiki is back in his own room before he knows what’s happening. His breath is labored and his hands are shaking. His heart is beating so fast he fears it may hammer right out of his chest. His forehead aches and only once Goshiki recognizes that sensation does he realize his brow is furrowed. It takes even longer for the first year to realize that he is crying. 

Hot, stinging tears well up in his eyes as his hands ball up into fists at his sides. His stomach churns and he feels like he’s going to be sick. His face is hot and he’s unconsciously biting at the insides of his cheeks, trying to stifle the hoarse noises that escape from the back of his throat. He pushes his bangs off of his face before bringing his hands to rest over his eyes, forcing his world to go dark. The sensations coursing through his body are too much to handle and he doesn’t- no, he can’t understand why he feels like this. He feels so unsettled, like the world has been tilted off of its axis and the steady ground beneath his feet has been swept away. 

“Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying,” he pleads to himself, whimpering into the palms of his hands. It’s a mantra he has repeated to himself hundreds of times throughout his life. All tears ever got him was more time alone, whether that be in his room or a corner, or even detention for being disruptive. Crying made him a bother and a nuisance, things that were hard to love. 

He can still see the image of Tendou and Ushijima together behind his eyelids and he can’t understand why he feels so much because of it. He can feel his body panicking but he doesn’t know why. All Goshiki can decipher is that he feels some form of upset. He doesn’t like what he saw at all even though there isn’t anything inherently wrong with Tendou being so close to Ushijima, but it settles a rock in the pit of Goshiki’s stomach nonetheless. 

It hurts. Part of him wants to march back to Tendou and Ushijima’s room and shove the ace away, but Goshiki can’t comprehend why he suddenly feels so aggressive towards his senpai. The other part of him feels too ashamed to show his face as he cries into his hands, snot and tears running down his cheeks in near equal amounts. 

All he had wanted was to sink into the comfort that was Tendou. He wants the bony, lithe arms that would hug him and the cold hands that would ruffle his bangs. He wants Tendou to sing silly little songs to him and read Shounen Jump aloud. He wants to talk and have the redhead nod along enthusiastically like he was really listening, a reaction that the first year hadn’t received before growing closer to his upperclassman. 

He thinks about Tendou doing all those things with Ushijima and suddenly one clear emotion bubbles to the surface and settles itself in Goshiki’s chest, anger. He feels angry, specifically at the ace. He wants to be the only one Tendou pays attention to. Everybody pays attention to Ushijima all the time and he is so talented it was like the third year doesn’t even have to try to capture the attention of others. That just makes Goshiki even angrier, it isn’t fair, he thinks. He cries himself to sleep that night, his arms wrapped tightly around himself in an unconscious effort to recreate the feeling of being held by Tendou. 

~

Goshiki stands off to the side at practice the next day. Instead of bounding up to Tendou like he normally does, he stands away from the rest of the team during warm up and practices his serves by himself in one of the far corners of the gym. Tendou feels unease sloshing around in his stomach. He hadn’t seen the first year all day. They didn’t have any shared classes due to being in separate years, but Goshiki usually came to sit with him and Ushijima during lunch, except that afternoon he didn’t show. 

Tendou chews at the inside of his cheek as he looks across the gym at his kouhai practicing by himself. Something is wrong, Tendou just knows it. At first he hadn’t thought anything about last night, and that perhaps Goshiki had just felt a little awkward about seeing him and Ushijima together. The pair of third years had gotten closer recently, and even though Tendou did harbour a crush on the ace, he didn’t act on it. Instead he just enjoyed the new proximity to his friend and had been letting things take their course like he had with Goshiki. But now there’s a strange pang of guilt in Tendou’s chest. Friday nights had been his time with Goshiki afterall, but he didn’t think Goshiki would have minded Ushijima’s presence since he looked up to the other wing spiker so much. 

Goshiki barely interacts with the rest of his team during practice, even when they’re split into groups for practice. Goshiki spikes tosses that are sent to him but doesn’t call for any. He sips his water during their break and averts his eyes when Tendou looks over at him with concern in his eyes. It’s only when practice has ended and they’re all in the locker room getting changed that Tendou finally is able to get close enough to talk to Goshiki. 

“Tsutomu...” he starts tentatively. Goshiki’s back is to Tendou but he turns around at the soft call of his name. Tendou feels his brows furrowed together as he takes in Goshiki’s face. There are hot tears welling up in Goshiki’s eyes and his bottom lip is quivering.

“Tsutomu?” Tendou asks again, taking a small step forward. The first year lets out a strangled whine before pushing himself into Tendou’s arms, pressing his face into the redhead’s bony chest. “Okay, okay,” he says, voice shaking slightly. Carefully he guides the crying first year out of the gym and up to their dorms. A few people turn their heads to look but Tendou does his best to shield Goshiki from their prying eyes. 

Once they’re finally in Tendou’s room, they both automatically head for Tendou’s bunk. After the only momentary separation, Goshiki’s hands find purchase in the soft fabric of Tendou’s shirt once again as he twists his fingers into it like he’s holding onto Tendou for dear life. Goshiki begins to sob violently but his whines are muffled by the way his face is pushed against his upperclassman’s chest. 

“Tsutomu, can you tell me what’s wrong?” Tendou encourages carefully. After the initial moment of shock wears off, he wraps his arms around his shaking friend. 

“I- I don’t know, I don’t know why I’m so upset,” Goshiki whimpers. 

“Upset how?” Tendou presses gently, not wanting to overwhelm his friend. “It’s not like you to disappear all day.” 

“I’m mad,” Goshiki admits in a small voice, his confession barely audible through the hiccups. 

“Mad about what, Tsutomu?” Tendou raises an eyebrow at his kouhai’s statement. 

“Ushijima...” Goshiki manages to choke out between sobs. The name is mangled obviously, but Tendou still knows exactly who Goshiki is talking about. 

“U-Ushijima?” Tendou gawks in disbelief, thankful that Goshiki cannot currently see his face. “Did, did he say something to you that upset you?” Tendou asks with a wince. He knows that his roommate can be pretty blunt at times, but he’s never harbored ill intentions towards anyone, least of all his protege. 

“No!” Goshiki yelps. “No, I don’t know! I just- I saw him and I saw you and it made me feel so bad and so upset and, and it’s not fair!” 

Goshiki starts sobbing harder and Tendou can feel himself tensing up under the other’s tightening grip. Whatever Goshiki had been feeling must have been bad, really really bad. Tendou has dealt with crying people before, but he has never seen anyone cry so violently before. Tendou could feel Goshiki’s chest heaving against his stomach. The force with which Goshiki’s shoulders shake almost frightens Tendou as he tentatively pulls the smaller boy in closer. Tendou swears it’s like he can feel Goshiki crumbling in his arms and it’s heartbreaking. 

Then the pieces begin to fall into place for Tendou. Of course. Goshiki had started pulling away a few days before after he had seen Tendou and Ushijima sitting together in the bottom bunk. It had been casual between the two third years, although more intimate than it had been in the past. It clicks in Tendou’s brain, the reason Goshiki had been so upset was that he felt like his relationship with Tendou was being threatened. Why else would he have reacted so viscerally? 

What Tendou didn’t know however, and would eventually come to realize, was that Goshiki had been just as lonely as a child as he had been. Except where Tendou could escape the bullies at home, Goshiki couldn’t. Goshiki’s parents were uninvolved. They were too wrapped up in their own lives and avoiding each other to bother interacting with their own child. Goshiki had spent his whole life vying for attention in any way he could get it. His childish demands of “Mom, Dad, look!” were met with indifference more often than not, leaving Goshiki desperate for acknowledgement. Tendou was the first person to ever really pay attention to Goshiki in earnest. 

Carefully Tendou begins to rub loving circles across Goshiki’s back, cooing softly in an effort to calm the younger boy. The way the first year clings to Tendou makes the redhead question if Goshiki has ever been held before they had met and something in the back of Tendou’s mind tells him that his intuition is right. Any time Tendou touches Goshiki, even in fleeting moments, Goshiki leans into the older boy’s touch. He holds on tightly and fiercely, like he’s afraid he’ll never be touched again. 

“You know I’m not going to leave you, right?” Tendou whispers, pulling the smaller boy close. 

It’s a rhetorical question of course, because he can tell that it’s a genuine fear for the first year and it was. He had only just gotten Tendou and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, even to Ushijima. The thought makes Goshiki feel small and insignificant. He wants to be the only one Tendou touches like that, soft and fondly. Ushijima is already competition on the court and Goshiki fully believes he could lose Tendou to the ace. However, what the first year fails to realize is that Tendou can, and does, love them both, just in different ways. Goshiki can’t understand because the only love he had ever received had been conditional. But there’s nothing conditional about the way that Tendou feels. Rather, Tendou feels genuinely and deeply, without bounds. 

“Do you promise?” Goshiki asks, peeking up at Tendou through his bangs. 

“Promise,” Tendou replies. He strokes Goshiki’s hair gently as the first year turns his face against Tendou’s chest again, hiding his watery eyes and red cheeks. 

“I’m sorry,” Goshiki whimpers. Tendou can barely hear what the younger boy is saying but that doesn’t mean that his apology hurts any less. Tendou’s chest aches where Goshiki's face is nuzzled against him. He can feel the damp fabric beginning to stick to his skin from where Goshiki’s tears have landed. 

“What are you sorry for?” Tendou asks. The question comes out more choked than concerned sounding. 

“For crying…” Goshiki mumbles. “For being mad at Ushijima-san.” 

“It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to get upset. But you know that I can care about you both, right?” Tendou says, resting his chin on top of Goshiki’s head. The first year gives an unintelligible whimper in response. 

“In different ways of course, but my feelings for Ushijima don’t mean that how I feel about you has changed. Or that I like you any less than I did before or that anything has changed,” the redhead continues. “Tsutomu, listen to me, okay?” 

Goshiki nods against the crook of Tendou’s neck, his nose tickling the other boy’s skin. 

“You are important to me and I care about you,” Tendou sighs, squeezing Goshiki close. The wing spiker’s fingers twist tighter into the fabric of Tendou’s shirt as he begins to sob again. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. You can cry, I’ve got you,” Tendou reassures him. He rubs comforting circles across Goshiki’s back as he nuzzles his cheek against the crown of Goshiki’s head. Goshiki’s sobs eventually begin to quiet down as he cries himself to exhaustion, falling limp against Tendou who wraps him up protectively in his lanky arms. 

~

Goshiki is half asleep when Ushijima walks into the room. The ace is greeted by the sight of Goshiki curled up against Tendou’s side as the redhead hums affirmations to him softly. “Everything is going to be okay. You’re enough, you’ll be an amazing ace one day,” Tendou whispers, rubbing circles across Goshiki’s back with one of his hands. 

Ushijima can’t tell if Goshiki is awake or not, but his breathing seems even and he isn’t making any noise. He’s curled up almost in the fetal position, pulled halfway in Tendou’s lap. The redhead has one arm wrapped around Goshiki’s back while the other begins to stroke his hair at a constant, steady pace. He continues to murmur positive affirmations to the first year who may or may not be awake. 

“You’re alright. You’re important, you matter to me and to Wakatoshi.” Tendou looks down at Goshiki like he is something precious and small before raising his head to look at Ushijima with a gentle smile. 

Ushijima catches Tendou’s gaze and his face softens. Goshiki is suckered around Tendou like an octopus, his arms wrapped possessively around the older boy’s lithe torso. He had noticed a change in the first year’s demeanor but he hadn’t known what to make of it. But if he had found his way to Tendou, Ushijima was sire his protege would be just fine. He gives Tendou a nod of acknowledgement and a soft smile before retrieving his shower tote and making his way to the washroom to get ready for bed. 

Goshiki is only roused slightly from his slumber by Ushijima’s entrance and quick exit. He stirs a bit, mumbling something incoherent into Tendou’s shirt before pressing his face back into the redhead’s arm. Tendou scoots forwards so that they can finally lay down, he doesn’t want to fall asleep with his back propped up against the wall. He guides half-asleep Goshiki to lay down with him, which would be easier if the first year wasn’t wrapped around him so tightly, but Tendou doesn’t have the heart to detangle himself. Tendou finally gets comfortable, laying on his back with Goshiki at his side, one arm tucked against himself and the other fisted in Tendou’s shirt. His head rests on Tendou’s shoulder which allows the third year to stroke his hair soothingly. Goshiki gives a little yawn before snuggling in closer to his friend, who feels a surge of warmth radiate through his chest at the display. 

It makes Tendou incredibly happy to know and see that Goshiki is so comfortable around him. Before coming to Shiratorizawa, everyone had seemed to turn away and run from Tendou. But now he had two people who cared for him deeply. Ushijima who would casually seek out Tendou’s affection with shoulder brushes and hand holding, and then Goshiki who would gladly tuck himself against Tendou’s side every night if he could. It’s an indescribable feeling to be wanted so genuinely. 

“You’re going to be a great ace one day, I know it,” Tendou coos before pressing a kiss to Goshiki’s forehead. 

A few minutes later Ushijima returns and climbs into the bottom bunk, pulling his comforter up to his shoulders. He does wish that Tendou was down there with him, but he knows that the redhead is where he is supposed to be for now. He can feel himself smiling slightly as he listens to Tendou’s soft cooing, telling Goshiki that he is proud of him and that everything will be alright. 

“Goodnight, ‘Toshi,” Tendou calls down quietly. 

“Goodnight, Satori. Sleep well,” Ushijima responds back automatically. “Goodnight, Tsutomu,” he adds a moment later. 

He can hear Tendou give a soft giggle, “Wakatoshi says night,” he tells the slumbering first year. They’ll talk about things in the morning, but for now all that matters is that Goshiki feels held.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways,,,,, I love Goshiki and he is a very good bby who deserves parents. Also idk why I keep writing crying Goshiki I literally love him so much smh 😩


End file.
